“After Earth” opens with a teenager, Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith), washing out from some kind of ranger academy. …where all garments and surfaces are dominated by a curious honeycomb pattern, and where we eat our meals with implements that resemble three Lucite chopsticks joined at one end.
…where they wear a lot of white and decorate their homes with flowing sailcloths. They now reside on “Nova Prime…” (Vulture) So here it is, everything I learned about After Earth, using nothing but review quotes.Ī thousand years ago, we learn, humans fled the Earth after rendering what was once a paradise uninhabitable. Instead, I thought we’d use the negative reviews to do what we’ve done a few times before: cobble together the plot and let you decide for yourself. It’d be easy to just compile some mean quotes about Jaden’s acting, but it’s too easy. Now if they’d called the film that, I’d have been in.” At one point the person next to me said, “C’mon kid, just sack up”. “After Earth is f*cking terrible, Jaden Smith is not an actor, Will Smith is not a father, and the whole thing is this extended chase scene in which you want the kid to die horribly because all he does is cry like a little bitch about everything. I tend to believe our friend Laremy’s succinct statement on the matter, because out of all the critics, he’s the cutest (sorry, Kyle Smith): Actually, for every 10 reviews, there’s about seven negative, and three devil’s advocate, here’s-why-it’s-not-as-bad-as-everyone-else-says reviews. Night Shyamalan movie, or, I suspect, because it’s not very good, the reviews have been quite negative. Night Shyamalan’s Smith family picture After Earth hits theaters today, and because it’s an M.
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